On Being "Too" Healthy
I was going to write you all a very useful and informative blog post about GMOs today. I was going to explain all the reasons they are weird and icky and why we should never ever ever ingest them. I was planning to proclaim why I've banished them from my diet altogether, and that my body is a temple, and that I only want the best, most natural, highest quality nutrients entering and assimilating with my cells, and yada yada YAWN. See, I've been learning A LOT in school lately. And all I really want is to help you, me, and all of the people of the whole entire world live their healthiest, happiest, longest, best lives.
But something stopped me from writing that article. Because the truth is, I don't really believe that staunchly refusing to allow any and all imperfect, impure, less than ideally healthy foods is reallya beacon of health or happiness. In fact, I know from personal experience that it very well isn't an extension of either, and that proclaiming your virtuosity to the world through the purity of your perfect food choices is sometimes actually a symptom of an UNhealthy imbalance in the space that controls the body - the mind.
There is something to be said for making educated and conscious choices surrounding the food that we put in our body. It's GREAT to understand the ethical and nutritional differences between Cage Free and Free Range chicken. It's lovely to know that the inflammation causing your adult acne is possibly worsened through your consumption of sugar and dairy. It's empowering to realize that GMOs (genetically modified organisms) are unnatural, petri dish foods and more than likely best avoided. I love that this knowledge is at our fingertips.
By being aware and in choice around what we consume, we can make healthy decisions for the length of our lives. But I also believe that we can take our rigidity too far if we aren't careful. And as a passionate advocate for healthy body image and eating disorder recovery, I'd be irresponsible not to point that out.
So, the question is, where does the balance come into play? How will we know if we've taken our dietary beliefs from a passionate preference to a neurotic obsession?
And the real answer is, I don't know. Because I don't (necessarily) know you.
This delicate balance is different for everyone. Some people might swear off GMOs and OMGs and TGIFs and XYZs for the rest of their lives and ever look back. They may attend parties and gatherings where there is nothing that they'll eat, and they'll be completely fine with the no oil, vegan cupcakes they brought instead. No emotional backlash. This just works for them and they don't worry about it.
For others, this is WAY too much and will lead them down a dark obsessive hole. So instead, they make a conscious effort to stock their kitchens with high quality, organic foods, but while out on a date, aren't going to demand that their waiter chauffer them to the farm where their chicken came from to ensure it was named and read a bedtime story to each night of its life. Because, #balance (for them).
The point is, balance for me is not balance for you. What will surely turn you into a neurotic macro-counter (nothin' but love, macropeeps) may feel like just another day at the office for me. And what works for me right now may not work for me one year from now. Same for you.
So, how will we know when we've take our obsession with healthy food to an unhealthy level?
I found a quiz online that was created by Dr. Steven Bratman to help readers determine whether or not they may be struggling with Orthorexia Nervosa, an eating disorder characterized by an obsession with eating healthy foods. This quiz asks some questions that may be worth considering if you've been feeling like your lifestyle choices are impinging on your, well, life. If you're perfectly happy, content, and feeling really good, I wouldn't freak out if you answer affirmatively to a couple of these questions.
While I don't believe these issues are black and white, and I don't completely agree with Dr. Bratman's explanations underneath each question (so take all of this with a grain of salt), I dothink it's always worth checking in with ourselves from time to time to evaluate why we do what we do, whether or not our behaviors are serving us or holding us back (like, from life), and if they aren't, if we might do well to take some steps that may draw us toward a healthier balance for us.
Here are some questions from the quiz for you to mull over.
1) Do you spend more than 3 hours a day thinking about food? (For four hours give yourself two points.)
The time measurement includes cooking, shopping, reading about your diet, discussing (or evangelizing) it with friends, and joining Internet chat groups on the subject. Three hours a day is too much time to think about healthy food. Life is meant for love, joy, passion, and accomplishment. Absorption with righteous food seldom produces any of these things.
2) Do you plan tomorrow’s food today?
Orthorexics tend to dwell on upcoming menus. “Today I will eat steamed broccoli, while tomorrow I will boil Swiss chard. The day after that I think I’ll make brown rice with adzuki beans.” If you get a thrill of pleasure from contemplating a healthy menu the day after tomorrow, something is wrong with your focus.
3) Do you care more about the virtue of what you eat than the pleasure you receive from eating it?
It’s one thing to love to eat, but for an orthorexic it isn’t the food itself; it’s the idea of the food. You can pump yourself up so giddily with pride that you don’t even taste it going down.
4) Have you found that as the quality of your diet has increased, the quality of your life has correspondingly diminished?
The problem with orthorexia is that healthy food doesn’t feed your soul. If you spend too much energy on what you put into your mouth, pretty soon the meaning will drain out of the rest of your life.
5) Do you keep getting stricter with yourself?
Like other addictions, orthorexia tends to escalate, demanding increasing vigilance as time passes. The diet of yesterday isn’t pure enough for tomorrow. Over time the rules governing healthy eating get more rigid. And if you are an orthorexic, you get a grim pleasure from this.
6) Do you sacrifice experiences you once enjoyed to eat the food you believe is right?
Because of it’s confused scale of values, orthorexia leads to a crazy allocation of interest. Have you fallen into this trap? Will you turn down an invitation to eat at a friend’s house because the food there isn’t healthy enough for you? Do you find that obsessive thoughts of healthy food occupy your mind while you watch your child perform in a play at school?
7) Do you feel an increased sense of self-esteem when you are eating healthy food? Do you look down on others who don’t?
One of the seductive aspects of orthorexia is that it allows one to feel superior to other people. After all, healthy eating is everywhere extolled. Orthorexia seems to be right up there with good work habits and a clean life. In this, orthorexia has an aspect that can make it harder to shake than other eating disorders: While anorexics and bulimics feel ashamed of their habits, orthorexics strut with pride. “Look at those degenerates,” the mind says of everyone else, “hopelessly addicted to junk.”
8) Do you feel guilt or self-loathing when you stray from your diet?
If you are an orthorexic, you feel guilt and shame when you eat foods that don’t fit the anointed diet. Your sense of self-esteem is so linked to what you eat that tasting a morsel of forbidden food feels like a sin. The only way to regain self-respect is to recommit yourself to ever-stricter eating, to despise yourself when you stray from the path of food righteousness.
There are times in life when it’s worthwhile being ashamed. When I’ve lost my temper at a child, betrayed a secret, insulted a friend behind his back, I’ve committed an actual error worthy of actual guilt. But eating pizza is fairly low on the scale of moral lapses. No one on her deathbed looks back and says, “I’m filled with regret that I ate too much ice cream and not enough kale.”
9) Does your diet socially isolate you?
Once you’ve reached a certain point, the rigidity demanded by orthorexia makes it truly difficult for you to eat anywhere but home. Most restaurants don’t serve the right foods, and even when they do, you won’t trust that it’s been prepared correctly. Even your friends inexplicably fail to cater to your personal preferences.
A common strategy is to bring your own food in separate containers and chew it slowly, looking virtuous and soulful while everyone else gulps down garbage. Or, like a solitary alcoholic, you can decline the invitation and dine in the loneliness and comfort of your own home.
10) When eating the way you are supposed to, do you feel a peaceful sense of total control?
Life is complicated, unpredictable, and often scary. It is not always possible to control your life, but you can control what you eat. A heavy-handed domination over what goes onto your fork or spoon can create the comfortable illusion that your life is no longer in danger of veering from the plan.
All of these questions are worth asking if we're particularly obsessed with "clean" eating. They are questions I ask myself from time to time when I feel that I may be getting a bit too extreme. On the whole, I feel like I've found a balance that works for me. I feel best when I eat whole, real foods. I feel shitty when I eat processed, junk foods. I like to eat a primarily vegan, plant-based diet. I enjoy finding recipes and going grocery shopping and cooking food.
But for me, this works, because I am still willing to eat out, and you won't find me turning down social invitations because I'm worried that the host doesn't buy organic. I do my best, and sometimes my best is just having confidence that all will still be well if I can't eat completely perfectly. And trust me, it's taken me a loooong time to get to this place! I've gone in and out of rigidity through the years, and always come back to a place where I strive for this balance.
So no, I'm not going to write to you about GMOs today. I think you can learn about them on your own, if you so choose. You'll get the information if you want it, and you'll do with it what you feel is right!
The point is, whether you eat 100% "perfectly" at all times or stick to an 80/20, 60/40/, or 50/50 approach to your eating, the same attitude still applies. You are worthy. You are lovable. You are good and acceptable. And no diet, weight, or size will ever change that fact.
Alright, I've said my piece. I love you all. Have a great day, my NamaPeeps!