No Mud, No Lotus: 4 Strategies For Getting Yourself Through Tough Times
My little Nama-people. Words can't describe how much I've missed you all. Trust me, I am fully aware that I have NOT been present over the past 3 weeks, and I truly hope you can forgive me! You see, I've been going through what we might refer to as "life changes" of late, and the idea of blogging in the midst of it was just more than I could bear to face. When your brain and your heart are tangled together, twisted and knotted into a messy ball and plummeting down a steep hill so quickly that you can no longer determine which way is up and which is down, which is left and which is right, it's pretty tough to produce organized thoughts in blog-form.
So please forgive me. I am back! And while I typically love putting out 3 blogs a week, I think that for now, 1-2 will have to be enough until I get myself feeling a bit more organized. Sound good? Great!
In light of all of my recent life changes, along with the realization that in spite of all of them, I am still here, standing tall (as though I could help it), proud and strong, I want to publicly pat myself on the back for getting through it all. It's been tough, painful, weird, yet overwhelmingly positive on the whole. Yes there are blazingly, acutely painful moments of sadness that strike out of nowhere, lashing out with a vengeance that burns and stings and steals your breath away, but there are many more moments of pride and empowerment, and for that I am grateful.
And as I look out at the new life I have created for myself, I have to smile and let myself bask in the pride of the knowledge that yes, I did this.
How, you ask? Well, let me share with you my top 4 strategies for getting through breakups, life changes, and tough times in general:
1. Make plans with friends. Every day. Every other day. Whatever feels right to you. Once I realized that I couldn't rely on my former S.O. for plans or entertainment anymore, I poured myself into my friendships, creating stronger connections and new relationships. Since moving to NYC, I had consistently felt that I was missing the really strong friendships that have always added warmth and color to my life. I had given all of my time and energy to work and to my relationship. I saw my breakup as an opportunity to change that for myself. I dove in deep with my new friends in NYC, giving myself things to look forward to all week long. Karaoke. Wine nights. Sweat dates. Sleepovers. Some seriously girly shit. I got REAL busy REAL fast, not giving myself a chance to feel bored or lonely, because I consistently surrounded myself with positive, supportive, loving people who made me feel safe, loved, protected and important. (Shout out to my amazing women here in the city - you know who you are. Thanks ladies.)
2. Create a sanctuary. When I moved after becoming single again, my number 1 priority was creating a space for myself that was beautiful, calm, and reflective of me as a person. It was something I hadn't really had before, since college either living in my parents house, on a couch, or in a shared room with my boyfriend. My friends laughed because I put SO much energy and thought into my bedroom decor, but I knew how important it was to me to create a space that felt perfect. And I have to say, it is GORGEOUS, it is ZEN, it is EVERYTHING I ever wanted. I now have a space to retreat into that is mine and mine alone. It is safe. It is serene. It is calm. It is full of things that I love, that look beautiful, that feel personal, that make me happy when I look at them. Dreamy white curtains? Check. White icicle lights dangling around my bed? Check. Whimsical hooks on the wall to hold my jewelry? Check. Silly dog-shaped knobs on my dresser that I hand-picked from Anthropologie? Check. Everything in this room makes me happy just looking at it. Being in this space brings me the simplest, most basic joy I can describe, and I am so grateful for it every single day.
3. Practice self care. I've certainly made an effort to keep busy, but like any self aware person, I know that taking the time to really sit down and deal with my emotions is a vitally important aspect of this journey. Being too busy isn't a sustainable state, and ultimately we all need to deal with being alone. So every night I get in my bed, turn out my lights, turn on my beautiful new white icicle lights, light up my dim bed side lamp, pull out my journal and write. I'm not formulaic about it, I don't make a gratitude list if I don't want to, I don't force myself to write about it if I don't want to, but I am someone who does very well when I spend time reflecting on my experiences. I feel more centered, more aware, and lighter. I feel more loving, less stressed, less crazed. Coming back at the end of the day, unwinding in my special new space, and doing one of my favorite things (writing, if you didn't get that) made me feel like me. And when your entire life flips and morphs into something completely different than you thought, it is imperative to do everything in your power to feel like you.
4. Exercise...duh. How could I make a list of ways to feel emotionally healthy without including my NUMBER ONE coping mechanism? Newsflash. I could not. When I feel anxious, I work out. When I feel depressed, I work out. When I feel tense, I work out. When I feel happy, I work out. No matter what I am feeling, I make a conscious effort to work out. Why? It makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER. It reduces my stress levels. It eases the tension and anxiety in my body. It gives me a boost of endorphins. It helps me think more clearly. It makes me a significantly more awesome HUMAN. It brings me a sense of control and empowerment that I don't always feel in my daily life. Wow, even sitting here a bit under the weather, all this talk of why I love working out is seriously making me want to go work out. Down girl, down. Woof.
As always, it is my hope that my experiences serve you by helping you deal even more positively with your own. Life isn't always perfect. Sometimes it's really friggin' hard. But we don't have to make it harder by failing to take care of ourselves. We don't have to shut down, or feel devastated for very long. Could I be curled up in a ball day in and day out, lamenting, crying, shutting down? Certainly. But ultimately I think I'm going to feel better for handling things as positively as I can, for taking care of myself, for getting up and continuing to move.
If I can do it, so can you.
“It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.” – Doe Zantamata